Life

FUCK MY LIFE – Or Wednesday as some people call it.

My morning so far.

– Can you please make sure you put the teapot in the dishwasher after that certain tea? My food allergies are getting really severe and that one has little chocolate bits in it that will make me allergic

– Oh. Ya so I was listening to the Dr.whatshisface on the radio and you know.. this fad of taking everything out is just seeming to make you sicker. They said that food allergies are so rare that they are almost non-existant and that it is probably just because you aren’t getting all the nutrients from real food.

– Oh this isnt really a fad. I’ve actually been experience serious food allergies after having radical surgery. And I am on a diet prescribed by my entire health team., including everything from GP’s to  gasteroenterologists, to acupuncturists…..

– Ya they say we just really need to get back to just basic eating. And that this gluten free is just hype….

– Actually this isnt just hype, I broke into serious hives 15 minutes after eating something that said “may contain milk powder”

– Ya, but you are so young. You just need to go to the Dr. Oz site…

Shoot. me.

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3 thoughts on “FUCK MY LIFE – Or Wednesday as some people call it.

  1. My Wednesday’s were like that, but those around me have learned to respect that I have needs and can’t eat what they eat, or do the things they do, so in that sense I am fortunate. The people around us, “us” being those suffering from illness, from debilitating conditions that leave our life in ruin, making every day a struggle… Those people need to learn about how we feel, what our days are like, how much a simple gesture truly means. Once in a while I’ll come across an idiot or numb-nut or two who have never been sick, hurt, or are in absolute shape that say I am not trying hard enough, just do some exercise and eat right- I come across those A$$holes and all I can do to explain is show them – look at what I eat, see what I can do- be me for a day, watch how I struggle, how hard it is to climb a flight of stairs, and the pain and agony I suffer through after even slight activity… I’ve done well enough to teach some rude people lessons that they have thanked me for. People who haven’t had to go through hardship in their life will never have the compassion for those like “us”! I hope those around you learn, and respect all you go through daily. And heck- when they don’t, know there are those like me around who truly understand how that feels. Reach out any time- Venting, sharing, crying… it’s what I do and what I help others to do, because I know, I know…

    1. It’s better now as I’ve left that toxic office and am trying to work on self-care and such and such… But ya the curse of the “invisible illness” (though honestly I’m really sick of everyone calling it that. Theyre not invisible if u open ur eyes to what’s around you. You can see ur barista is in pain.. We just choose to think “oh she hate her job” or tell her to smile…..

  2. I was the sole financial provider to my family of five. My husband was a stay at home dad to our three children, now ages 13, 10, and 5. I have worked in the medical field over twelve years. I moved my way up to the corporate world in elderly care when my illnesses overtook me. Now if I want any type of income it’s relied upon by the state disability, which because I don’t look physically incapable of working, I’ve recently had a doctor tell me he refused to fill out the forms. Meanwhile I filed for permanent disability back on 9-11-14 and all they do so far is send forms – to describe what my duties were at each job, to tell them what my current state is, etc… they send this to me twice, not on top of their game, not doing justice. So how do we live? How thankful I am that I was able to save all the years of dedicated hard work. When we knew I could no longer take any regular- not even part time work, my husband took classes and got his real estate license. He’s been working 60-80 hours a week and hasn’t sold a single home, no income coming in, just savings flowing steadily out the door. I worry every minute of every day, and what do the doctors say… Stress will make my condition worse, well, sorry- but it is inevitable to worry about how life will only get worse if my husband can’t make a sale soon. I can only put on a smile for so long and then I break. Luckily I am able to put on the show for those who I know would never get it, but my husband is struggling along with me; it is torturous to see me in pain daily and to work so hard to get nowhere. And to have friends and family members tell me he needs second job, when he spends every waking moment working already… It is unbearable at times, yes, but here I am still young, but living with chronic pain, fighting cancer, struggling with Fibromyalgia- which many physicians don’t believe to be a true illness. It hurts to know the doctors who should be helping me feel better do not care enough to fill out a simple form to at least allow me to obtain money from the state that I got taken from my taxes, year after year working hard for my family. I vent, I am sorry, I never really get to the “relief” I ache for. No matter how many words I share, no matter how many pills I take, I am left in fear that tomorrow will be worse than today. But I push on, and in realizing I have so many who look up to me and depend on my being there for them, I keep faith that this is all a test that I need to pass in order for me to feel at peace. So I am here, fallen, but I can’t get up; take my hand and together it may be possible to walk while leaning on one another through this madness we call life.

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