Life

A thousand little indignities: what it means to be “a service user”

Yup yup and more yup

“The indignity of being disapproved of. Disapproval of my coping strategies even though they are all quite legal. Disapproval of my overeating, my overwork, my overspending, my oversleeping. Disapproval of my choice to take medication at times. Disapproval of my choice not to take medication at times. Disapproval by some of use of services at all. Disapproval of acts carried out or things said when depressed, when manic or hypomanic, when in a state of panic, when delusional. Disapproval of having suicidal thoughts when I am young, have kids, have a lovely partner. Feeling subject to disapproval for “failing to respond” to a drug or a therapy that is successful in others.”

purplepersuasion

[TWs for suicidal thoughts, suicide methods and poor mental health care experiences]

Last week a relative I haven’t seen in years watched my hypomania vlog and afterward felt moved to “give me some feedback”. I was interested in his thoughts, as I’m still very much a novice at video editing.

It turned out we were at cross-purposes: he actually wanted to offer me “feedback” on my understanding of and response to my bipolar disorder. He seemed to feel, based I think on childhood perceptions of me as “the clever one” of the family, that I was basing my management on what doctors and the authors of books had told me to do. His idea was that I should stop trying to dampen my elated feelings and borderline psychotic thoughts and enjoy and listen to them. I kept trying explain how dangerous my mood states could be for me but found…

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