New Year, New Outlook, New Goals

Chronic Illness sucks. Over the last year I have had so many life altering events occur, and the only thing i ever seem to be able to do is focus on this monster in my body.

The article states that we don’t “fight” or “beat” Chronic Illness but that instead we:

  • Cope with
  • Manage
  • Organize
  • Contained
  • Control
  • Live with
  • Handle
  • Confront

And then we will be able to “live” with our illnesses… but I dont think I am doing ANY of those things. Coping? Nope! Total Denial and life affecting… Managed?  As in my pain? Nope! My moods? nope! What about contained and controlled?  well my credit card bills are certainly no longer contained, and I’ve lost all ability to control my temper. Nothing is handled and all I can confront in my husband over not understanding what this nightmare in my head is doing to me… so no I am definitely not “living” with my illnesses.

So then what am I doing? Dying? I’m not dying of pain… so then what ..

I am taking a full course load at University this semester so I need to journal for a number of courses and as I become and educator I will really need to turn this into a practice.

So here we go. a new start.. which is you go back to the beginning of this, you’ll see Ive already attempted this many times but what the hell right?!


Hurt People Hurt People: Bottom Line

Hurt people hurt peple…
thanks for this post jess. I’m feeling really hurt lately and i can tell because of how much hurting im doing


“If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another.”


This is one of the most important life lessons one could ever learn for both a person who is hurting another and for the subject being hurt.  This is why I never judge another person for almost anything he or she does.  A couple of days ago a tragedy happened in our little town: a thirty-one year old male was found by two fisherman dead after drowning in the lake we live in.  Authorities say there were no signs of foul play and they are currently doing a toxoligy  report.  Some of the children my daughter plays with are older and one said: “Well if he was on drugs he deserved to drown.”  As much as I wanted to go into my spiel about ‘victims of victims’ and that we should be praying for this man, not condemning him, I…

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#heiltsukstrong: We Continue to Say No To Northern Gateway

Suck it Big oil. Also thank you Heiltsuk People <3

Heiltsuk Tribal Council Blog

January 8, 2016

The Heiltsuk position on the Northern Gateway Pipeline project has always been clear and consistent. We will not allow the project to threaten our waters and our resources.

Community members have told us we must take whatever action is necessary to stop this risky project. Throughout this long-drawn-out battle against Enbridge our Hemas have been an incredible resource of strength and wisdom. They remind us of our connection to our lands and waters. We must continue to uphold the wishes of our Hemas and community members. Our Hemas demonstrated their strong opposition towards the project when they filed as intervenors during the Joint Review Panel process.

Despite spending millions of dollars trying to buy support for its Northern Gateway Project Enbridge still doesn’t have the support of the Heiltsuk, other coastal First Nations and the majority of British Columbians.

Sadly it has come to our attention that…

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“It’s definitely going down” says Grand Chief Stewart Phillip on Unist’ot’en Camp raid

Warrior Publications

Unist'tot'en camp members stop surveyors, November 2012. Unist’tot’en camp members stop surveyors, November 2012.

Grand Chief Stewart Phillip of the Union of BC Indian Chiefs says RCMP officers have booked up hotel rooms in Burns Lake and Smithers, a firm indication of plans to invade the Unist’ot’en Camp in northwestern B.C.

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Femme is Defiance

Clementine Morrigan

Today, after changing my hair colour from green to blue, I put on a little black dress, some burgundy lipstick and an old pair of sneakers. I was feeling really good in my body, in my gender and in myself. I knew that a lot of people would think my dress was too short and that my bright blue hair was ‘asking for attention’ but I knew those people would be wrong. I knew that this femme embodiment is a hard won confidence, a willingness to face down sexual violence every single day in order to dress the way that most authentically represents who I am.

Femme is not public property. Femme does not need your comments and approval. Femme is not an invitation to talk to me. Femme is not an invitation for your sexually violent behaviour. Femme is not ‘asking for it’. Femme is not about you. Femme…

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To Be Heard

a beautiful poem on how I am really feeling lately

Know My Worth

I have a fear
of not being heard
of not being understoodThinking

of not being known.

I think this leads me to say
most every little thing
I am feeling or thinking.

But I am learning
I don’t have to
say it all.

Not everyone needs to hear me.
Not everyone needs to understand me.

And most people aren’t going to understand me anyway.
And that’s OK.

I think
what it comes down to
is that to be heard
I actually don’t need to be listened to
by anyone
but me.

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